Die Hard Three

Waiting for Jan to finish work at the university. I’m in a library in Milan and the guy next to me is ripping CDs to his MacBook Pro. The dude’s big into movies cause it’s all soundtracks: Last of the Mohicans (Trevor Jones), a compilation of different Star Trek films (ST II – James Horner is my fave), E.T. – John Williams.

Still more time to kill so I head into the park (I don’t know which one) and I happen upon a shoot for a television commercial,
during fashion week,
in Milan.
I could not believe my eyes. They had all this gear set up and there were models everywhere. I even got my picture taken with one. There was no security and regular people were mingling freely. It was pretty elaborate: editing studio, green screen, giant spotlights, the works.

Caption Goes Here

In the olden days, the screen used to be blue

That spotlight can be seen from space - when it's pointed up - and when it's dark out.

And here is my favorite pic from today:

Pretty cool, eh?

I hope he gets paid by the hour (or the brick)

The Swedish team was nowhere to be found

And the best part is that it was a commercial for Lego. I’m going to go back tomorrow to see their progress. It looks like they are going to be here all week.

Lego Rome was not built in a day.

So after a few hours with the Lego people I decided to go to the Design Museum (it was right nearby). I had to meet Jan in about 90 minutes so I didn’t have much time. I figured if anything looked interesting I would return tomorrow after checking out the Lego.

Well as it turns out there’s this big Fashion Week event happening and the whole place was packed with security guards, photographers, makeup artists, and fashion models. While trying to snap some pictures of cebrilities I was chatting with the coat-check lady to get the low-down on the whole thing. I asked her if she’d ever been to Canada and she said “Yes, in ’91 to see a rock concert, a Canadian band – Rush – for their Roll the Bones tour”. Born and raised in Milan, she’s a huge Rush fan. She saw them play in Germany and Italy too. Speaking of Roll the Bones, Dreamline is one of my favs.

Alright you guys, here’s your fashion models.

... and an order of bite-sized breakfast pancakes... with extra dipping sauce.

Insert your own models-are-too-thin joke

Seriously, the camera on my phone is a piece of shit.

Many others had told me about what it was like and that I would enjoy it. I dismissed them all. It’s expensive and potentially addictive. Why would I even want to try? I’ve seen others under its influence and I did not want to become like them.

11:20 – Milan. I’m waiting to meet up for lunch with a former roommate and I’ve decided to try my first coffee – ever. The servers at the Caffetteria Bar do not speak English so they asked one of their customers to translate. I explain that I’ve never had a coffee before and he insists on paying (coffee lovers and social engineers take note!).

My "dealer"

I think it’s an espresso – midnight black with a bit of coffee-coloured foam on top. It’s small enough to drink in one shot but I’m not sure if this is how it’s done so I sip it. My reaction is as if I’ve just bitten into a lemon that is incredibly bitter. The guy who bought it for me smiles, laughs, and tells me I’ll be awake for three days. I believe him. It’s almost noon and I haven’t eaten since 22:00 the previous day. My head feels like I just drank 5 cans of Coke. The subsequent sips are easier as I can anticipate what’s coming.

My first. I will always remember you.

Now I can see why people get addicted to this stuff. It reminds me of the first time I ever smoked a cigarette – the buzz is almost identical.

Executive Summary

1. Here’s your summary.

End of summary

The Report

Milan (German Miland): Save an overnight visit a couple of years ago, it’s been 5 years since I’ve been to Milan proper. That was in 2006 during the greatest vacation ever. I remember being surprised by the number locals sporting forearm tattoos (I was once advised to never get a tattoo that could not be covered up in front of a judge). Well it seems the trend now is to get neck tattoos (that’s a tattoo *on* your neck, not *of*). I can’t wait to return in another 5 years.

Right now I’m traveling north on a WW2-era Italian commuter train to visit my good friend Jan – one of my first foreign roommates from all the way back in 2003. I remember picking him up at the airport in my dad’s red 1991 Ford Ranger (standard, no AC). Jan had recently broken his foot playing soccer (or “association football”) and had fallen in love with the Italian ambulance attendant who transported him to the hospital. Records from that era are spotty at best, but here is what I have been able to piece together from his time in Ottawa

• starting the visit off on the right (unbroken) foot he made me wait for over two hours while he was secondaried (i.e. interrogated) by Canadian Immigration.
• a bunch of us were going out clubbing one night and we had to leave Jan behind (because of his foot) – we felt terrible (not really)
• he borrowed my circular saw to remove his cast (I think the doctor wanted to charge him $20 or something)
• as it was written in Italian, Jan was unable to read the restraining order served to him by Rita (his Italian amour) and proceeded to send her approximately 90 post cards (one per day) confessing his love for her
• after a 2-week trip to Australia, I returned home to find the house in considerable disarray – sheets missing from my bed, strangers sleeping in the living room, my porridge half-eaten, my picnic basket swiped.
• there was a Hallowe’en party (I think I have some pictures somewhere) and the neighbours had this giant trampoline. By some miracle no one had to visit the hospital that night.

Anyway, he returned home to Germany physically healed but an emotional wreck. He received only one non-police-issued letter from Rita the entire time he was in Ottawa.

Anyway, long story short: the following year he managed to win Rita’s heart by (unbeknownst to her) coaching her little sister’s soccer team of underprivileged misfits to winning the national championship (against their arch-rivals from Naples).

So now Jan and Rita have two kids. Boy is 4.5 and Girl is 2.0 (approximately). I have some experience being around kids of this age as a number of my friends are in almost identical family brackets. This is to say I noticed that Jan and Rita were making several mistakes. Now I’m not saying these were mistakes because they were doing the opposite of what my Canadian friends and family do – they were doing the opposite of what I would do in the same situation.

Girl, Boy

First up: where the f&$% are the baby-gates? I kid you not, all the stairs in this three-story (plus basement) home are made entirely of polished Italian granite. I myself was uneasy using the stairs in sock feet, yet no baby-gates. Jan explained that when the kids were younger they told (yelled) at them not to go near the stairs and now they just don’t. Did I mention the stairs were made of stone – on top of concrete?

What's the Italian word for "heart attack"?

Next: during supper little Anna Lea dropped food (a segment of pizza) on the floor and the 5 second rule was *not* respected. Jan simply put the food back on her plate and she ate it. While we’re on the subject of food, for dessert both kids were given bananas that were *clearly* expired. One half looked normal, the other looked like the plague. They just ate the good part and left the bad.

Finally: I had to ask about the baby monitors. They just don’t use them. They prefer to use the 17th century method of listening for any abnormal noises. And just as I wrote that sentence Anna Lea woke up crying and Jan went and checked on her. She’s stopped crying now.

I must mention there was one thing I do strongly approve of: the use of Jackovasaurus-themed pillows. I mean, how awesome is this?

I think these kids are going to turn out just fine.

I also had to watch the kids for a couple of minutes while Jan got the groceries from the car.

that one day I would be actually touring the Forum in Rome. Truly remarkable.

Executive Summary

1. First I determined why there are so many McDonald’s restaurants in Rome. Somebody call a doctor: I’m having a BigMac attack just typing this.
2. Next I discovered that “prego” in Italian does not mean “pregnant”. Want to find out what Italians are really saying after you buy them a glass of wine?
3. I then learned that the coat of arms for the City of Rome is almost identical to the logo for the Foreign Service Workers of Canada. What does it look like? Stick around to find out.
4. And finally, I managed to solve the mystery of what my job would have been had I been living in the Rome of 2000 years ago. Hint: it’s not what you think!

All of this and more can be found in my Day 5 report.

End of Summary

The Report

My final day in Rome started like all of the others: in a McDonald’s. While waiting for my tour guide (Laura) I was thinking about why there are so many of these crappy restaurants around. Here is what I came up with

1. it’s cheap
2. some of the food is not that bad – it’s pretty hard to screw up a coffee-croissant value meal
3. they put chemicals in the food to make people addicted
4. when traveling most people crave something familiar – this is the one that interests me the most. Here’s what I mean:

Mental units of energy can be used up just like physical units of energy – and you have a finite supply of each before you need to recharge. When travelling your mental energy is used up doing simple tasks that back home would be completed while your brain was on autopilot. Walking to a tourist destination requires planning (how to get there, when to depart, figuring out what to bring) and constant map checking (getting lost is a real drag, even dangerous). Also in an unfamiliar environment one is automatically on edge with respect to ones physical security.

Deciding what / where to eat can be even more taxing as there are a lot of variables that have to be considered. There’s cost, location, type of food, and dietary concerns / restrictions. And if the meal is supper, chances are most of your mental energy has already been used up during the day’s activities. Plus if you’re traveling in a group, well it gets even more difficult. On top of all this, the possible downsides for eating a bad meal extend beyond the right-now. If you get sick it could mess up your whole vacation. I am aware that eating at McDonald’s makes some people ill regardless, however a large number of North Americans have built up an immunity to their crappy food.

When traveling, everything is different – the street signs, the language, your accommodations, the traffic, the food, the water, the culture. Humans naturally seek new experiences, but when everything changes at once, it can be overwhelming. In a foreign land, at the end of a long day, the idea of eating in an untested restaurant can be too much for some people.

Anyway, just some things to think about the next time you’re overseas and you see a bunch of tourists having lunch in a Rotten Ronny’s: there just might be some logic behind their decision to eat there.

Now moving on, I know a lot of people who want to work for the foreign service. Their logo explains why:

Good thing I was standing. Had I been sitting down I would have fallen off my barstool after seeing this.

In ancient Rome I would have been a brick layer, a brick maker, or a brick carrier.

From what I can tell the Romans had a brick-based economy.

Prego is Italian for “thank you”. As in “Prego for not using your flash”.

Just like my iPhone 3G

Future home to the world’s most awesome tree fort.

Impervious to everything except matches.

Note: I’ve had some requests (well one) for more succinct reports. From now on I will be including an executive summary with each post. *

Executive Summary

1. The Catholic Church is wealthy in both land and property.
2. September is a mighty fine time to visit Rome – not too hot, not that many tourists.
3. The Big Green Egg is the greatest invention ever.
4. Day 4 contained several ironies.

End Summary

The Report

The theme of today’s post is “irony”.

Irony 1: I was waiting inside the MacDonalds to meet up with my tour guide Laura and there’s this guy asking for change (this kind, not the other type). The woman in front of me turned and said exactly what I was thinking “he seems really well fed to be asking for change”. The guy was huge.

Irony 2: The meeting location was chosen for its visibility, not its cuisine. I know I’m tempted now and again by the Golden Arches but I’m in Italy here. Laura was a few minutes late because she did not specify which MacDonald’s to meet up at. There were three others within 100 meters. I mean, how can there be so many in a country that has maybe the best food in the world?

Irony 3: The Vatican (lead by this guy) requests that visitors dress modestly.

Bling anyone?

And while we’re on the subject of modesty: here is his house.

And this is just the foyer. Seriously.

Irony 4: I saw someone today wearing a t-shirt that said “Obey Your Parents” and it got me thinking “If I do that then I’ll be obeying the shirt – a direction violation of what the shirt commands”

Irony 5: The coliseum is big (not really ironic but I needed to mention that I went there).

Ironic? Not really.

And I almost forgot the Big Green Egg.

It helped produce this fine meal.

I think I’m going to get one when I return home.

It's big and heavy and green.

* This policy is subject to change without notice.

For a day that was spent mostly trying to recover from jet lag, there was a surprising amount of action.

Rewind to yesterday – during our visit to the city to see the sights (or “sight-see”) we stopped by a pub to refresh our dehydrated bodies with a pint of Rome’s finest ale (brewed in Germany). Seated next to us was a table of foreigners. I was desperately trying to identify their country of origin only able to work up the courage to ask as we left. My guess of “Spain” (sorry Spanish friends) was countered with “No we are from Finland” (sorry Lotta). I guess I need to work on my Finnish. I asked if any of them knew Esa Tikkanen. They did not.

As I collapsed into bed around 23:00 Saturday exhausted from the day of touring I expected to wake up at 9:00 ready to take on the day (and watch the Canada vs. France world cup game). When I did wake up I checked the clock an it was only 12:30 AM – I had been sleeping for only 90 minutes. By the time I got back to sleep it was 06:00.

And I should have just stayed in bed because Canada was trounced by France even though we were leading or tied for most of the first half.

My afternoon nap was interrupted by the return of my cousin’s wife and my uncle’s stepdaughter (who is backpacking around Europe). They were out shopping and while having lunch in a cafe a pickpocket tried to pickpocket them. Hayley yelled at the dude and that scared him off. They continued to eat when an Italian lady interrupted them and told them there were 5 men outside waiting for them. The men were lingering and making eye contact in a threatening manner and they left after about 20 minutes. While our thoughts drifted to the worst possible motivations I personally think they just wanted to rob them.

After things settled down, my cousin and I left to go grab a beer while the girls prepared supper. We ended outside at Mario’s where we met an actress from France. She has a small part in the movie called Tezz which comes out later this year. Filmed in India, IMDB bills it as an action/drama. From what I have read it looks pretty cool.

We returned home to a wonderful pasta meal and the resulting food coma that will be induced at the completion of this sentence.

Landed just before midnight at what must one of the busiest airports in Europe. Thankfully Laura was there to collect and transport me to my destination: Chez Doug. The journey was long and arduous – it took almost an hour. I can only imagine what it would have cost to take a taxi.

After having arrived safely I was treated to a beer on the balcony with a view that did not resemble the Rome one would expect.

Looks like Rome?

I was right about his apartment – but I’m going to save that for a separate post.

A new immigrant to Rome rides the bus.

I managed to get a good night’s sleep waking up around 11:00. We spent the day walking around Rome looking at the various sights trying not to get sunburned. There were many markets and old buildings to look at.

Italian Market

The day ended with a visit to an Irish Pub where we tried unsuccessfully to watch the QPR match on Sky (sorry, it’s an English thing). This was followed by a pizza meal at an Italian restaurant and gelato.

Jet lag hopefully defeated – time for bed. Canada vs. France 10:30 AM Sunday local time

Departed Ottawa 20 minutes late but a tailwind got us into Frankfurt 5 minutes early. This might have been the easiest flight I’ve ever taken. Takeoff was immediately followed by two Simpsons episodes, a Daily Show, and supper (chicken with rice and red wine). I then fell asleep for 4 hours and woke up about an hour before landing.

Now, this is the first time in years where I’ve checked a bag on the way out of Canada (I’m bringing a package for a friend) and I had to keep reminding myself to collect it after we landed. For some reason in Frankfurt airport one goes through customs / immigration, exits the secure area and then proceeds to another area for the baggage collection. I find this very strange. Canada is much more organized in this respect (it seems to me anyway).

The "package"

As much as I hate checking luggage – it is a form of insurance against missing your flight. When travelling with a carry-on one is more susceptible to the plane leaving without you. When you check luggage they really try to find you if you miss last call because they have to open up the hold and remove your checked luggage if you don’t get on the plane.

FRA (Frankfurt Airport) has a high-speed rail link with the rest of Germany. Before I left I purchased a rail pass for 6 days, 3 countries (Italy, Germany, France), to be used within two months of activation. To activate the pass one has to go to the Deutsch Bahn desk in the train station to get it validated. You also have to fill out the day and month of travel *before* you get on the train. I forgot to do this and the inspector reminded me of this (in German) when she checked my ticket on the train.

As I write this I am on my way to Siegburg to visit with Nina and to see Mortiz and the new baby (Frederic is one year old). ICE (Inter City Express) 1016 is traveling at a cool 300 km/h. It’ll take about 38 minutes to travel 144 KM. I’ve got some free time so I’m going to pick up a mobile phone, eat a donner-kebap with a nice Kolsch, and visit the Obi (the German equivalent of Home Depot).

I thought he was going to choke on that banana

And I am now back at FRA after a successful mission to Siegburg. All of the previously-mentioned tasks were completed with no complications. After having supper with Nina we went to a bookstore and found her a copy of The Four-hour Workweek (in German Die 4-Stunden Woche – literally translated as The 4 Hour Week – I guess Germany it is assumed that every week is a work week).

While I was killing time waiting for Nina to finish work, I decided to walk to the Obi – it was about a kilometre and a half (one mile for my American readers). The journey was through an industrial sector and I was surprised to see dozens of manufacturing businesses  – auto parts, metal work, high-tech, solar power, environmental. Some anecdotal evidence to support the claim that Germany has managed to retain its manufacturing base while many other countries have relocated this sort of industry.

Now the Obi is just awesome: two floors, super-well organized, tonnes of building supplies. Interestingly enough the flooring section had lots of laminate floors and almost no hardwood. I think this has to do with two things: 1. hardwood is very expensive in Germany and 2. most of the homes are made of concrete (requiring engineered hardwood). In Canada our houses are made of wood and wood is cheap. I found a bathroom sink that I’m going to try and bring back with me. I need to redo the second floor bathroom – the sink-tiolet-shower configuration is a disaster. This sink will enable me to rotate the toilet 90 degrees and install a proper tub / shower combination. I’m sure Preston Hardware sells the same sink for about 8 times the price.

I hope this one survives the voyage home.

I’ve never been to Rome before. I was in Milan for Jan’s wedding back in 2006 and I’ve been told that the north of Italy has a Germanic influence while the south is more Mediterranean. I’ve got someone to pick me up at the airport (thank you Laura!). The idea of having to find transportation in Rome at 00:30 is not something I really want to undertake at this point. The subway closes at midnight.

BTW, this is my first time blogging so I’m not sure how much detail one should include in these posts. Right now I’m using the writing as a sort of electronic caffeine pill. If I don’t stay awake for the first day I’ll end up sleeping right through Canada’s World Cup game on Sunday morning (I wonder if the Italian pubs will be serving…)

So I’ve decided to blog my first mini-retirement. This is a concept promoted (created?) by Time Ferris in his book The 4-Hour Workweek. The idea is simple: the standard system of working for many years and then retiring is replaced with one where multiple “mini-retirements” are taken throughout ones career. I like this idea because it is impossible to know what will happen to you at the end of your career. One of my greatest fears is what Chief Wiggum calls “retirony“.

My plan so far is to fly to Rome (with a 13-hour stopover in Frankfurt) to visit with my cousin and his wife who have been posted there at the expense of Mr. and Mrs. Canadian Tax Payer. I’ve stayed in a number of DFAIT-supplied properties overseas (Vienna, London, Bangkok, Beijing) and they have all been outstanding. I expect this one to be no different. After this it’s on to Milan, maybe France, hopefully Munich (for the Oktoberfest) and then to Berlin for the remainder of the trip (Oct, Nov, Dec). I will be back in Ottawa for Christmas.

There are four main things this mini-retirement is designed to evaluate.

1. What to do: Is it possible to fill ones time with meaningful things when one does not have to work for 8-10 hours per day? Prediction – yes it is possible.
2. Cost of living: Can one live in a different city for less than what it would cost to live in ones home city? Food, nightlife, and accommodations are inexpensive in Berlin (even by Canadian standards). To verify this I’m going to try and track all my expenses for the entire trip and compare them to my expenses in Ottawa over the summer. I am very curious to see how this will play out. Prediction – I will prove quantitatively I eat out way too much.
3. Language learning: How much more effective is it to learn a language with intensive immersion training while not working a regular job compared to part-time in a non-immersion environment where one is working full time. About 9 years ago (Jebus!) I took some part time German courses in Ottawa. In Berlin I will be taking an intensive course. Prediction: way more efficient.
4. One-bag: Is it possible to travel for 14 weeks with just a carry-on? At check-in in Ottawa my backpack and man-purse weighed in at only 9.1 kg (20 lbs). Prediction: I fully expect it to be not only possible, but necessary.