I’m disappointed with all of you*

17 Jun

On Saturday I went white water rafting (for the first time) with a bunch of friends, friends of friends, and random people and it was a blast. No, wait. Back up. That’s not strong enough. It was the best time of my life ever (except for that one other time). Everything about this past weekend was amazing: the weather, the resort, the rush, the adrenaline, the adventure, the beautiful Ottawa river, the post-rafting game of frisbee, all of it.

But in spite of how amazing it was, all I’ve been thinking about since I got back home on Saturday was, “why had no one ever told me how awesome white water rafting is?” And for the answer to this burning question I’m looking squarely at you: people who communicate with me.

I think the reason this is bothering me so much is because of the discrepancy between how fun rafting is (top two experiences of all-time) and how much you’ve talked about it (almost not at all). One would think that an activity this fantastic would generate a considerable amount of conversation but this has not been the case.

Some of you are going to hide behind the fact that you’ve never gone rafting before – but this is no excuse (well, not a legitimate one anyway). Everyone knows at least one person who has gone rafting and spoken about the experience. Firsthand participation is not a prerequisite for endorsement. Shame on all of you.*

At this time it is unclear to me what exactly it is that that prevents people from talking about this amazing activity so I am going to do everything in my power (which is, admittedly, not very much) to break this conspiracy of silence. So here is my review of my trip to the River Run Rafting & Wilderness Resort on the Ottawa River June 14-15, 2013.

First up, the facilities were top quality – they even had a pub on site. There was lots of space for camping and they had cabins available for rent. The food was great – there was an awesome breakfast and the post-rafting lunch was delicious. They had plenty of activities ranging from volleyball and basketball in the day to campfires and ghost stories at night.

The staff were outstanding. I can’t stress this enough. Knowledgeable, athletic, tall, physically attractive, able to pull my water-logged body from the icy water. One could not ask for more.

The Ottawa river is both mighty and powerful with a high rate of water flow and a bedrock made of bedrock. One of the things that makes for such good rafting is that there are many different courses one can take down the river depending on the water conditions. Most of the other rivers in the known world are too polluted or remote to make for good white water rafting but the Ottawa has all the right characteristics that put it in the top five in the world!

The rafting was incredible. It is a well documented fact that your average white-collar worker will wish for death several times during any given day as an escape from office boredom. Well, rafting is the perfect antidote for this. When you’re out on the white water, you find yourself repeatedly wishing to not die from excitement. See – problem solved.

I do have one piece of constructive feedback for the resort people: I wasn’t too keen on the idea that I had to paddle the boat with the other rafters. I have a strict no exercise policy while on vacation so I was disappointed when I found out that I would have to “work” during my rest time. I talked for about an hour with one of the guides about starting up a new course where the rafters (they should be called paddlers cause that’s what they are) could simply use the current to float down the river. He said this was a terrible idea and gave several reasons why, but none of them were very good.

But other than that everything else was perfect. I’m going to be organizing a followup trip in the near future, so keep watching the skies!

I approve of this event.

I approve of this event.

And to conclude my review, I would like to pass on a big “suck it” to the authors of and contributors to this “award”. In Ottawa we got world-class white water rafting an hour from downtown. You? An hour of driving in Toronto gets you to Markham. Vancouver: you’re still in Vancouver (ugh). Montreal commuters: I hope you like overpass repair – cause you’re going to be seeing a lot of it for the next sixty years.

Jason – Monday June 17, 2013

*Except Steve.

One Response to “I’m disappointed with all of you*”

  1. chapman June 17, 2013 at 16:44 #

    I have never talked with a white water rafting participant about their experience because I simply assumed it was lots of fun and wet. I have not done it myself because I usually choose dry activities.

    Regarding the hour drive in Toronto: I would like to point out that a normal person, not restricted by austerity gas consumption measures, would make it North of Newmarket in an hour. There is not one thing to do there.

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