Day 3 of 3 – Hiking Epilogue

26 Sep

As was revealed by the existence of several blog posts describing the hike, my co-campers and I survived our two nights the Ontario wilderness even though it was touch-and-go there for a while. At the first night’s campsite cellphone reception was sporadic and it rained for a couple of hours. The second evening’s events were punctuated by several dozen chemical explosions – the origins of which remain a mystery, even to this day.

But we made it. The total distance hiked was about 23 kilometres (14 miles) (estimate). Average pack weight was about 40 pounds (18 kilograms) (estimate).

Our route.

Our route.

On the hike back to the car we encountered a group of four brothers who were doing the whole 75 kilometre circuit (the complete Killarney trail is a loop). These guys looked to be in their late forties and early fifties and they told us that this was their thirty-second annual camping trip together. Think about that for a moment. Every single year for the past thirty two years these four brothers have gone (without fail) on a week-long hiking / camping / canoe trip together. Thirty-two times. I find that to be a remarkable example of brotherly solidarity. Remarkable because with my only brother, all I want to do is watch Avatar. Just once.

I really liked this film and I think he would really enjoy it too.

A hike around the full Killarney Trail takes on average about seven days to complete (plus the drive to and from the park). Contrast that with James Cameron’s Avatar – if you skip the closing credits you’re done in a brisk two hours and thirty-five minutes – a real bargain.

I think this Avatar proposal is a great one and should be accepted immediately. I promise not to give any pressure to watch the upcoming sequels (which will be awesome – because James Cameron is the master of the sequel – T2, Rambo: First Blood Part 2, Aliens). And please don’t consider my claim of “awesome” to be a form of pressure to watch the sequels – it’s more like an historical or scientific fact – an inherent feature of the universe if you will.

And there’ll be no extended edition. No making-of specials features. No watching it a second time to hear the fascinating director’s commentary. We don’t even have to discuss the content of the film afterwards. We can talk about its effect on the world of international copyright trade embargoes or whatever you want. Or we can simply not speak at all – quietly parting ways, acting like nothing happened. But that will be impossible because it’s such an awesome movie that it will be the only thing we will want to talk about for the next several years.

I understand you’re a busy guy. But this isn’t opening night of Terminator 2: Judgment Day at the Famous Players Gloucester 5 Cinema. There will be no waiting in line for five hours to get a decent seat. I’ll have the BluRay disc already preloaded into my PS3. The annoying, unskipable menus and copyright warnings will have already been displayed and all I’ll have to do to start the movie is hit play.

And I’ll even let you pick the time and date (provided it’s before the first Avatar sequel is released theatrically in Canada). I’ll also make sure to provide plenty of your favourite snack foods and beverages. I’ll even pay for your return transportation* from within a 600 km radius of Ottawa.

There are other bonuses too. Think about the cultural benefits – you’re surfing around on the Internet and you bump into this guy – after you watch Avatar you’ll be able to understand what’s going on. Your standing in society will increase tenfold.

So what do you say, bro? You wanna watch Avatar with me?

*Greyhound Intercity Bus only, 14-day advance purchase (or credit towards a rental car or train ticket equal to the cost of a 14-day advance purchase Greyhound Intercity Bus ticket)

2 Responses to “Day 3 of 3 – Hiking Epilogue”

  1. Jason Chapman (@jasonAchapman) September 26, 2013 at 15:52 #

    My opinion is thus: Those brothers at Killarney are sacrificing less in a week of back-breaking hiking and cramped quarters sleeping than your brother would be, in terms of integrity and sanity, with the viewing of Avatar. I, for one, will go to my grave never setting eyes on any shiny blue people and sparkedust.

    • Die Hard Three September 27, 2013 at 16:48 #

      There are certain films I have vowed never to watch – films like Hostel (and its sequel), Wolf Creek, Lars von Trier’s Antichrist, John Waters’ Pink Flamingos, the Human Centipede, mostly because from what I can tell (while still not having watched them) is that the content of all of them will cause an incredibly unpleasant physical revulsion in me.

      Now I submit to you that there are aspects of Avatar that are not everyone’s cup of tea. But the film (at a minimum) is an important one. Consider the top three films for worldwide box office Gross (adjusted for inflation)

      1. Titanic (3.6 billion)
      2. Gone with the Wind ($3.3 billion)
      3. Avatar ($2.9 billion)
      4. Star Wars ($2.4 billion) – approximate – multiple releases

      I understand that box office revenue is by no means the only measure of a movie’s success. I myself have no desire to watch Gone with the Wind and I can understand why one would not want to watch that or Titanic (if it’s not their thing). I guess what I’m trying to say is that anyone who likes Joss Whedon’s Firefly or Serenity has about a 80% of enjoying Avatar as they both contain similar themes of the underdog challenging authority in a well-done, futuristic, other-world setting.

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