Die Hard Three

Second-last practice hike before the big one.

Hello reader!

I’m going to be live blogging our turkey fry this afternoon. So keep hitting F5 for all the latest updates.

15:36 – the gear

Where did I put that fire extinguisher?

15:38 – the “food”

Damn! I forgot the Iced Cream.

16:04 – I think we’re going to need more sweet potatoes.

Not sure what to do with the onions…

16:12 – Time to fire ‘er up.

Just like Golf Wars I and II, this is all about oil.

16:17 – Low-cost foreign labour is a good thing.

They even have matching uniforms.

16:30 – changed into my deepfrying clothes.

It sounds incredible….

16:42 – As requested

Here you go, your Majesty.

16:46 – I feel so alive!

And useful.

16:52 – It’s beautiful!

Steve, don’t look at it. Shut your eyes, Steve. Don’t look at it, no matter what happens!

17:09 –  Let us hurry. There is nothing to fear here.

That’s what scares me.

17:18 – I think the BBQ is jealous

He looks sad.

17:25 – is it in yet?

17:26 – It’s in.

18:25 – There’s going to be a feast!

Eat soon!

Steve: Jason, there is something that troubles me.

Jason: What is it?

Steve: The DeepFryer. If it is there, in Ottawa, then it is something that man was not meant to disturb. Death has always surrounded it. It is not of this earth.

Guess who got to come hiking with us this morning.

That’s right – Mr and Mrs Canola.

I figured I’d take them on one last adventure before we consumed them in the DeepFry event this afternoon.

Beautiful upright countertop-depth freezer for sale by its original owner. Pearl white, four shelves, three-pronged electrical outlet, lovingly maintained and cared for.

It is 48 inches tall by 24 inches wide by 24 inches deep and in perfect working condition.

Purchased from the Sears on Cyrville Rd on a warm summer day in 2004 when I needed to keep cold some delicious ice-cream I was storing for delivery to the orphanage.

The decision to part ways did not come lightly – we had some good times with Big White. I remember our annual Christmas party in 2005 when he stepped up and cooled down in record time the giant baked alaska Jennifer had borrowed from her work the previous evening. In winter we would normally just park it outside on the deck but this December was unseasonably warm and the typically docile racoons that inhabit our neighbourhood were quite agitated that year.

And who could forget the Mid-summer party of 2010? Me apparently. From what I can recall it was a bittersweet celebration. And we used Big White to flash-cool two cases of Molson Export that had been sitting for a week in Tim’s garage. Those were good times.

So you’re probably wondering why I’m selling such an awesome freezer and this is a legitimate question. I once bought a mattress online and the previous owner failed to disclose that he’d been using as a bed for his miniature horse. I drove thirty-five miles for what I thought was a great deal only to return home mattressless.

Anyway, I live in a house with five people and we used to all share one regular-sized side-by-side fridge but the freezer compartment was not big enough so I purchased Big White to store our surplus frozen goods that would not fit in the main one.

Well, two years ago I purchased and installed in my kitchen and dining room five refrigerators that each have their own freezer. With all this extra freezer space, Big White is no longer needed. Sadly, for the past two years he’s been sitting in the laundry room, quietly caring for a single bag of frozen peas that someone has long since forgotten.

So it is time for us to part ways. I have access to a pickup truck so if you want it delivered tell me where you live and I will let you know how much extra it will be.