Die Hard Three

Washroom in Frankfurt Germany has stall with four toilets – double that of Sochi

The number one item trending on Twitter today (#FrankfurtToiletFail) is a story out of Frankfurt Germany about the discovery of a public washroom that has a stall containing four individual toilets. Authorities have stressed that at this time it is not known exactly who was responsible for the stall’s construction and the company that owns the building has refused to comment on the situation. The Internet, on the other hand, is abound with theories with some people blaming the building’s architect while others have said that it looks like a modification to the original design. But either way, local sources are clear about one thing: this particular washroom has been like this for “many years”.

The Frankfurt toilets.

This story comes on the heels of a similar two-toilet scandal in southern Russia. Last month after they first started arriving in Sochi, reporters from all corners of the globe participated in a collective freakout over what appeared to be a minor construction error in the twenty-second Winter Olympiad’s recently-built Visitor Centre. Organizers of the games were quick to point out that this particular oversight was limited to this one washroom and all the other facilities in the building were up to code. The contractor responsible for the error spoke to the media and explained that during construction they discovered the wall that normally separates the two fixtures was the wrong size and it had to be taken offsite to be modified. The barrier was to be the last thing installed in the otherwise functional washroom, but while they were waiting for it to be returned, the crew had already been assigned to another job amidst the chaotic push to have all the venues ready in time for the opening of the Games.

While it is too early speculate on why the Frankfurt stall was built with an unconventional four-fixture configuration, there is one thing that can be asserted with a high degree of confidence. Because of the sheer number of toilets and its many years of existence the Frankfurt stall is much more hilarious than the Russian one. This flies in the face of the mainstream media who had all but declared the Russian toilet story to be the funniest of all time – demonstrating once again that they cannot be relied upon in any capacity to inform us on important matters vital for our democracy to survive. It also shows that people who are serious about the health of our society should stick to citizen reporting – specifically blogs that specialize in toilet-related news.

In addition to the four barrier-free toilets, the Frankfurt stall also contains several other odd features including a pair of fully-functional sinks complete with soap and paper towel dispensers, another smaller stall with a non-traditional “sitting” toilet, and a door that opens out into a hallway connected to the rest of the building.

The mainstream media (MSM) has been making a lot of noise lately about the hilarious toilets in Sochi Russia. From the cardboard doors that amplify the bathroom noises that people normally want to keep muted, to the stall designs that support two individuals instead of one – it seems that one cannot go anywhere or do anything without being bombarded with hundreds of news articles covering the local toilet situation.

And I for one, am not happy with the media’s new focus on toilets. While some people are complaining that it detracts from actual, important problems (like the CBC podcasts I never listen to not working) – my beef is primarily related to the media saturation of a topic that drives the majority of traffic to my blog.

This concern is a legitimate one. Is anyone really going to want to read my toilet posts after a day of reading dozens of articles on the same subject at work? “Probably not” according to my marketing manager.

Oh well, it was a good run.

But I do have to say, as sad as this makes me, I do enjoy the fact that I was almost three years ahead of the curve on this topic. So, if you are curious to know what everyone will be talking about thirty-six months from now, just keep reading my blog.

Hint – think: super-easy-to-use, highly-sexualized, gravity-fed condiment dispensers.

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So the plane landed safely in Frankfurt in what was by far the easiest flight I have ever experienced. Had my own seat. The plane was more than half empty. We had a tailwind; landed 30 minutes early. And I ended up chatting with this Austrian guy who was visiting the GWN on business. When I’m flying I have this thing about asking people what they do (as in I try not to). But after about thirty minutes of talking about how dumb the Olympics are, dude casually mentions what he was doing in Canada. He was selling – get this – German windows!

As regular readers of my blog are undoubtedly aware, German windows are my third favourite thing about Germany (after their trains and toilets). And while technically his company is selling “Austrian” windows we still had a fascinating discussion about the benefits of dual argon, triple argon, and the rarely-seen quad-argon super-screens!

One of the things I was planning to do on this trip was ship back a few dozen German windows and install them in the various rooms of my house but now I don’t have to – my new best friend tells me one of his clients in Rockland will build them for me!

The trip is off to a very good start.

I know the start is good because the first thing I saw after I stepped through the gate into the arrivals section of Frankfurt airport was this store.

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