Die Hard Three

So I started my new job today. As you probably guessed from the thumbnail photo that’s accompanying this post, I’m going to be working on a boat. Right now my official title is Seaman Third Class. This morning when I started my shift I was First Class but I’ve already been demoted twice.

The sea can be a cruel mistress.

When my manager (or Captain as he likes to be called) hired me over the phone he was pretty vague about the details of the job. I was expecting life on the boat to be fast and furious like that movie Face/Off. Instead it’s been more hot and confusing like that movie Fast and Furious.

The boat itself is like a floating house but everything has different names. The front yard is called the bow. The backyard is the stern. The toilet is the head. The bathroom is also the head. I could go on but the main thing is I have to learn a whole bunch of new words for things we already have perfectly good names for. I need to get studying.

Today was mostly orientation, safety briefing, and unpacking while tomorrow is the first day of proper work. What I’ll be doing will depend on two things: the weather and what time I wake up. Considering that I’ve only gotten about four hours of low-quality airplane sleep in the past two days I should be able to sleep through the night. And as for the weather, the forecast calls for twenty-three degrees and sun with a zero precent chance of freezing rain.

Till then, I remain, yours,

Jason

I’m now eleven and a half hours into my butt-numbing, duration-record-breaking, commercial aviation trans-oceanic flight. After the first eight hours I was afraid we’d run out of gas, but now that we’ve been up here for eleven hours I’m pretty sure we have enough fuel to make it to our destination. Or we can just glide in. Either way I’m confident that I’ll survive to see the Oscars on Monday.

Right now we are cruising at an altitude of 38,000 feet (11,582 metres). For those of you who are unfamiliar with heights, that’s really high up. Everything here should be frozen but it’s not.

Air – totally frozen

Clouds – totally not frozen (still in gaseous form)

Canadian Blogger – typing away at a comfortable twenty degrees celsius

The reason I know the clouds up here are not frozen is because we just blasted through a whole circus* of them. Until a few minutes ago I didn’t even realize that clouds could get this high (and some can even get higher). I now have a whole new level of respect for clouds.

Respect.

*a grouping of clouds is called a “circus”

We flew right through ’em! 

Am I looking at my enemy – a cloud system that is going to try and kill me later? Only time can tell. Also my Uncle. He’ll be able to explain exactly what’s going on.

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Hello everyone! I’m back on the travel blog for the next few weeks and I’m really looking forward to sharing with you the highlights of my latest adventure. And while I like to think that most of the trips I write about are unique, I feel this time it’s going to be uniquely unique. Special if you will. Here’s what I mean.

Uniqueness Factor One – I don’t know for long I’m going to be away.

Most of my travels are fixed duration – there is a known departure and a return date. But for this trip I’m flying out on a one-way ticket (Menolippu!) Maybe you noticed the subtle difference in the title of this post compared to those of previous trips. My traditional travel blog title syntax takes the form of Day [X] of [N] followed by a dash then [Something Stupid], where [X] is the current day, [N] is the total number of days I plan to be away, and [Something Stupid] is whatever happens to be rattling around in my noggin at the time of writing.

Why don’t I have a return ticket? You’ll have to check back tomorrow to find out!

Uniqueness Factor Two – I’m going to be working on this trip.

Yup, you read that correctly – I got a job. I know. I’m as surprised as you are. I’m going to have actual responsibilities that are not cat or dog-sitting. And while I’m not going to reveal just yet exactly what the job is, I will say that it will involve water, the shifts are eight hours long, and my boss told me I have to bring with me a bunch of expensive gear that will protect me from dying.

Uniqueness Factor Three – One of the legs on this one-way ticket is a fifteen-hour flight and I’ve never done a flight that long before.

I written before about air travel and passenger jets – specifically regarding fuel consumption and the cost thereof. But this trip has me wondering/worried about how it’s even possible for a commercial airliner to be in the air for that long. How much of a reserve do they carry? What if there’s an unexpected headwind? Fifteen hours is a long flight.

Uniqueness Factor Four – There was a surprising amount of sex and nudity on the in-flight movie I just watched on the seat-mounted display.

What a strange experience. For like the first forty minutes it was really tame. There was no violence and it didn’t even have any swears – just a bunch of people standing around talking. Then all of a sudden two of the characters started in-person sexting each other!

Growing uncomfortable with the situation (the screens are visible from behind for at least two rows) and not knowing for how long the scene would last, I decided to engage the fast forwarded. But I overshot past the end and missed some dialogue from the next scene. So I had to rewind and I ended up overshooting again but this time back *into* the sex scene I was trying to escape. None of this improved the situation. And this happened like three more times before the end of the movie. I’m listening to music now and trying to be a normal passenger.

Uniqueness Factor Five – I had to check luggage leaving Canada.

I was a little nervous because it’s been almost seven years since I’ve done this (I’m a strong believer in carry-on-only travel). But the Air Canada guy at the desk was super helpful and there were zero problems. I remember the last time I checked a bag leaving Canada my fear was that I’d forget that I’d checked anything and (by force of habit) end up abandoning it at the luggage carousel. I don’t think that will be a problem this time – I’m dreading the last mile where I have to physically carry it to where I’m staying and this weighs heavy on my mind.

So there’s your teaser – check back tomorrow to find out where I’m going and what I’ll be doing. I’ve got fifteen hours in the air to put together a mildly interesting post. I promise nothing.

*Note: I’m a pro at checking luggage for the return flight home.

Yours truly madly typing, pretending to be.

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