An Ode to my Freezer (or Jason 10 – Pam 8)

17 Sep

Yesterday two dudes came and bought our old freezer. They remarked upon seeing Big White that it was “smaller than they thought it would be”. An interesting bargaining tactic considering they showed up in a Toyota Matrix. Somehow they managed to cram it in the back and then drove away. And just like, he was gone. The bow fund $80 richer and all I am left with is a poem. A poem for my freezer.

(begin poem)

  • Oh, dear downstairs Freezer – I will miss you immensely.
  • The $80 from the two Matrix dudes – cannot compensate me.

  • Like the changing of my bedsheets –  you were defrosted once per year.
  • Like me at our Christmas party – you were often full of delicious German beer.

  • Unlike the upstairs kitchen freezer – you were very easy to clean.
  • But unlike the upstairs kitchen freezer – your energy consumption was not very green.

  • Your fixed-shelves prevented – the storage of a full-sized turkey.
  • But that’s okay – we can now deep-fry a turkey.

  • This space you have left in our home – has found us some extra room.
  • And according to a recent roommate survey – I’ll probably be installing some shelves for storing our many vacuums soon.

  • The tears from my eyes – are now damaging my computer.
  • I’m crying twice as hard now – I opted out of the Apple Care program

(end poem)

You're my boy White. You're my boy.

You’re my boy White. You’re my boy.

4 Responses to “An Ode to my Freezer (or Jason 10 – Pam 8)”

  1. Lottabot September 17, 2013 at 17:22 #

    My tears are now destroying Nick’s iPhone 3.

  2. Dave M September 17, 2013 at 20:25 #

    Why isn’t there a “Thanks for trying” button?

    • Die Hard Three September 18, 2013 at 18:08 #

      That’s why there’s a place for comments.
      If there was a button for every sentiment, the blog interface would be crammed with seldom-used labels like “not a very good idea” and “what were you thinking?” and “where did I leave my karate uniform?”


  1. Day 22 of ? – It’s Been a While | Die Hard Three - March 23, 2018

    […] dabbled in politics, discussed the afterlife and debunked the existence of ghosts, written a poem, purchased a toilet, sold a freezer, visited Berlin, accidentally destroyed a […]

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