Day 0 of 32 – How I Managed to Trick Thousands of People Into Reading my Blog Using This One Weird Illusion

7 Nov

Did you know that a Canadian Prime Minister once posed nude for an official photograph? To find out which one, you’ll have to read through to the end of this post. You think you know who it is? Here’s a clue – you’re probably going with “Liberal Party” but nope – “Progressive Conservative”. On the outside those guys are all Snow White but in private, they’re wearing ladies’ underpants.

Hello and greetings from the world’s shittiest WiFi network! My blog is back and it’s going to be better than ever. I’m writing to you today from Terminal E at Toronto Pearson’s Airport International.

For my blogging of this upcoming trip (Turkey, Istanbul) I’ve decided to spice things up a little. You see lately my blog’s hit count has been at an all-time low and I need to make some changes if I’m going to defeat my brother in the War of the Blogs (I recently won the War of the Cars). I’ve been averaging only two hits per day while he uses his position as a respected, successful, published author and educator to drive tonnes of traffic to his site.

My articles this time out will continue to include all of the traditional things you’ve come to expect from a blog that is dedicated almost entirely to writing about the plumbing and electrical systems of distant, far-off lands – but I’ve decided to add some new features:

  • Teaser intro paragraphs (like the one above) that grab the reader’s attention and won’t let go until the end of the article
  • Sponsored content. Send me $5 and I will write anything you want – I’ll even make it so that the people reading the post believe the content to be true.
  • Naked photographs of Kim Campbell – she’s the one who has benefited most of from Canada’s variable-length election cycle.
  • Sensationalized Headlines – ones that are so outlandish, the the reader’s head will literally explode after reading them. Thousands will die.
  • Altered photographs that defy the imagination but are purported to be real.
  • Final paragraphs that force the reader to go back and skim the whole article a second time because they don’t include the promised resolution to the teaser from the intro paragraph.
  • Cryptic references to movies and TV shows that the reader has not seen or even heard of.
  • Salacious claims that are written as truth but are patently false.
  • Misleading links to previous blog posts that have but a fleeting relation to the topic at hand.

So there you have it. That’s what you can expect over the next thirty-two days. It’s a ten hour flight. Next post will be from a different timezone – I’m not exactly sure which one

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