the list of places I would disappear to in the event I had to fake my own death.
Coming in at number seventeen is Lithuania! I was thinking the exact same thing – are you for reals? Yup, there are dozens of reasons why one would want to live in Vilnius. Here are the best ones I’ve come up with so far in the eight hours I’ve been here.
First up they have a crazy alphabet. So many new letters to make fun of. There’s this one accent I’ve never seen before – it’s a half circle that can be found floating above many s’s and z’s (both upper and lowercase). Incredible.
Just like the second season of Parks and Recreation (2009-2015) so many hilarious new characters…
Next, the girl working the tourist information kiosk at the airport totally made fun of me in a mean and sarcastic manner when I tried (unsuccessfully) to locate the (obviously) English pile of city maps from amongst all the other languages. This speaks volumes to confidence, I mean, how cock-sure must this country be to assign the vital task of greeting new visitors to a brooding, angst-filled, sixteen year-old girl? Lithuania is going places and I want to get in on the ground floor.
Also, there’s no election going on over here. You know what would ruin my vacation – if the visuals of my walking tour of Vilnius were marred by posters of political candidates trying desperately to get me to vote. I mean, who wants to see another ad from incumbent leader Steponas Arparuskas talking up his endorsement by Dainius Zubrus (a guy who has lived outside the country for so long he’s not even allowed to vote in the election) or fourth-party candidate Elzbieta Mačiulis protesting her not being invited to the most recent debate?
Not me. This I know for sure.
And finally, in Lithuania I can continue my boycott of Hesburger – a task that, while technically possible if one resides in Sydney Australia, is much more effective if one lives within driving distance of at least one of their crappy restaurants.
Die Hard Three 
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