Die Hard Three

I do not approve of when people use the term “fans” to describe supporters of their political opponents. It’s a little dismissive and very much inaccurate. The correct term is, like I used in the previous sentence, “supporter”.

With that in mind, I would like to report that on the question of Tower Bridge: I am one hundred percent NOT a supporter – when it comes to crossing the river Thames, for me it’s London Bridge or you take a boat. It’s that simple.

London Bridge

London Bridge is all business, which is exactly what you want in a bridge. She sits there and does her job day in and day out – you never hear any complaints. With sensible box girder construction made from concrete and steel, she doesn’t pull any punches. In fact, she doesn’t even try to hit anyone at all.

Stupid Tower Bridge

Compare that with Tower Bridge who is needlessly complex and comically oversized. His two garish walkways serve no purpose whatsoever and it seems like they’re repainting him in different colours every time the Queen has a birthday. What a huge waste of time and money if you ask me.

I think it’s a travesty that our children are taught from such a young age that it’s London Bridge that’s at risk of collapsing. Just take a look at the two photos above and tell me which bridge it is you’re more afraid of.

To correct this wrong, the song should be changed immediately. I suggest the following:

London Bridge is standing strong,
Standing strong, standing strong.
London Bridge is standing strong,
My fair lady.

To my readers who have children and / or childcare / education facilities – you know what needs to be done. So let’s get started, we have a lot of work to do.

So I managed to escape from the well-run country that is Sweden without much trouble. The whole trip was amazing and it re-reminded me why I got into traveling in the first place: to make you jealous.

Thanks to everyone who came out to the Pub Night in Copenhagen – that was a lot of fun. I would also like to give a special shout-out to all my generous hosts who provided me with sleeping space, eating food, and drinking drinks when I showed up in their respective cities, towns, and municipalities – Chris, Mia, Myriam / Stephen, and Lena.

And with the Nordic portion of my trip now complete, here are some of the leftovers that didn’t make it into the blogosphere. Adieux!

One of the stranger moments of my visit to Sweden was finding this.

Does anyone know what it means?

It was like I’m part of a real-life Simpsons episode #fishbulb

At one point while I was in Stockholm, I went searching for a post office. This seems like a straightforward activity but it was not. In a cost-saving measure, Royal Sweden Post decided to close all their dedicated post offices and co-locate them within other businesses. So the guy who sold me the postcards said there was one located in the Coop grocery store but the Coop clerk told me I had to go somewhere else. She sent me, “outside, to the right, past the movie theatre, up two flights of stairs, left, past the old candy shop, and it’s right there”

As I was wandering around trying (unsuccessfully) to follow (and remember) her directions, I thought it would have been much more helpful had she told me the name of whatever had opened up in place of the candy store.

Then when I eventually found the post office, I realized that when I heard the Coop clerk say “the old candy shop” what she was really saying was, “Ye Olde Candy Shoppe”.

As illustrated by these photos of a business that sells olde-timey candy.

And as promised, here are some photos of Swedish dogs doing Swedish dog things.

This guy is a rescue from Hungary – the country, not the state (not the state of being, I mean – the nation state Hungary. That’s where he’s from).

This guy reminded me of Pepper with his little face and his habit of lying down and refusing to walk anywhere if the weather is not just perfect.

This dog’s name is Professor Paws. He has a PhD in friskiness.

Coffee enjoys long walks on the beach and frolicking in the surf.

The end.

The absolute best thing about the trip up north was when, on our last day at the resort, I found a Ticket to Ride Nordic Countries boardgame hidden away in my backpack.

It was such a nice surprise. Traveling to (and visiting) the north of Sweden with Chris (my grade school friend of many years) and his Swedish friend Tomas was trainloads of fun. But discovering a Ticket to Ride board at the halfway point was pure magic.

We were able to play it in the lodge. And also on the train ride back home.

And I, for one, think it’s really unique that we got to play a nordic, train-themed boardgame on an actual nordic train – it’s probably the first time in history that something like this has ever happened.

An historical first.

So on the train home, after six hours of travel, Chris and Tomas changed trains in Boden while I continued on the overnight back to Stockholm and after they left, I made my way to my sleeping cabin to find – get this – my all cabinmates were playing UNO!

I invited myself to join them for a few rounds and it was a lot of fun. In our second game, about three turns in, Rohit played a Reverse Card that caused Praneeth to miss his turn. So to get him back on the next pass, Praneeth played a Plus Two but Rohit had a Plus Four so it looked like Naresh was going to have to pick up *six* cards but then to everyone’s surprise he threw down *another* Plus Four so poor Swathi ended up having to pick up ten! We all had a good laugh.

In the end Naresh ended up victorious. I think he won like four of the games that night. He killed it.

Around ten o’clock after we finished playing cards, they invited me for a home-cooked meal of delicious indian food: fresh naan bread, vegetarian curry, spicy chicken, and basmati rice.

Absolutely delicious, kind, and generous.

So to rewind a bit, when we first got on the train back in Björkliden, after we found Chris and Tomas’ seats, I immediately went to drop off my backpack in my sleeping cabin. When I got there, I said hello to my new roommates, stowed my luggage, and then headed back to Chris and Tomas’ wagon for some good old fashioned TTR.

Now, I should mention that earlier when we were waiting for the train, the three of us wondered aloud about with whom I would be sharing my mixed, six-bunk sleeping compartment. “Swedish Bikini Team” was offered by Tomas – I countered with “is that even a real thing?” So this I why when I got back to where they were sitting, I reported to Chris and Tomas that my roommates were a “nice Indian family”.

Well I found out later that a full 33% of my initial report was 100% incorrect. Can you guess which part I got wrong?

Turns out my bunkmates were all computer programmers working in Stockholm for Swedish giant, Ericsson* and they were on a mini-holiday up north to see the northern lights.

Anyway, after the games and food were all done and everyone was getting ready for sleep, I found myself lying awake in my bunk (I still have jet lag nine days in) and I was trying to figure out how I scored a Moe Sizlack on my new friends’ origins story.

The best explanation I’ve been able to come up with so far is that I’m probably racist.

I say this because during the post-incident period of self-examination I was able to dream up a bunch of rationalizations as to why my initial observation was not, in fact, racist. But then, after some more thinking, I realized that rationalizing racist behaviour to be “not racist” is exactly what a racist person would do. No?

I mean, I can’t even imagine traveling anywhere with six of my co-workers / friends and not being totally shocked at the idea of anyone mistaking us for being related. Like which of my new friends did I think were the parents? It’s totally crazy. Sai and Teju are both like twenty-five!

And to be clear, I’m not beating myself up over this – I’m just embarrassed about the whole thing. I mean, on a list of “unacceptable behaviours” (in this particular instance) my passive misidentification of the interrelationships of a group of people from a different cultural background than mine, well, it’s racist, but just a little bit.

Or at least that’s what I’ve managed to convinced myself it is.

* I purposely left out the word “telecom” from this sentence because I think it’s much more interesting that way, like you know these guys work for a proper engineering company but you secretly hope they’re all writing computer code for an actual giant named Ericsson. Many people are called that over here.

So on Monday I got back to Stockholm after spending four days visiting (and traveling to) the north of Sweden. I totally suggest taking the train. There are two reasons.

1. All air travel is terrible.

2. Trains are awesome. And the Swedish ones have dogs on them. Lots and lots of dogs.

The train ride up took about 17 hours. Left Stockholm Central at about 22:30 and we got into Björkliden at around 16:10 the next day (with a change in Boden). Chris flew up to Kiruna where he met Tomas and they met me on the train for the final hour of the journey.

Here are some photos of the weekend.

The view on Saturday morning at sunrise from our breakfast table.

I went on a hike and the trail looked mostly like this.

And then it looked like this.

While I was hiking, Chris and Tomas went to play with the reindeer.

On Sunday the three of us checked out of our cabin.

Then we went for another hike.

I somehow made it to the top of this icewaterfall.

The view was something else.

After our hike we took a walk down to the lake. We were fortunate enough to be close to the railway tracks when a freight train empty of iron ore passed by.

The sun was up each day around 09:00 and set around 15:00. Was an excellent trip. Tomas, thanks for organizing.

Train “Station” in Björkliden.