Day 4 of ? – This Country

2 Mar

So for those of you who haven’t figured it out yet, my butt is parked firmly on the Island of Australia. Sydney, New South Wales to be precise. (Klaus, Mark – you guys win the beer – but you have to split it – I’m on a budget!) I’ve been here a few times already and that’s a good thing because it allows me to relax and take it all in without having to run around to see the botanical gardens.

Stupid birds.

If you’ve never been here nor spoken to an Australian, I should mention that they’re an unusual bunch. There’s this one interaction I’ve had on several occasions and it perplexes me every time. It usually goes something like this:

Me [Canadian]: I’m from Canada, mate!
Australian [Australian]: Oy! Kraykie! I reckon your country has heaps of beers! I’d neeva go. I’d be too sceer’d to come a gutser with one!
M: Can you say that again please in a way I can understand?
A: 😮!😱. 🇨🇦🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🇨🇦. 🛫🇨🇦👎🏼. 🤠🙀🐻🍽.

Apparently Australians have this strange fear of bears. I say it’s strange because their country is packed with thousands of animals that are way deadlier than any creature in Canada. One of my Aussie mates was helping me build a deck back home and when I reached my gloveless hand under to secure a joist he informed me that one would never do that back home because there could be a deadly spider in there and then you’re dead.

But it’s not just the number and variety of venomous animals in Australia compared to back home, it’s the crazy idea that one has to worry about being eaten by a wild bear, well, anywhere. You guys are aware that they’re huge, right – like really, really big. You can see them coming. And other people can see them too and then warn you there’s a bear.

Conversely, I’ve never heard of any Canadians traveling in Australia who are afraid of being eaten by a crocodile or their other deadly large animal – the shark! Those guys all over the place. And if the sharks don’t get you, the jellyfish will. And if not them, then the dingos. Oh, and stay far away from the kangaroos. Those guys are really dangerous.

The point is it’s perfectly safe to travel to Canada and you totally should. The only thing you have to worry about is the crazy country to our south. And these days, you can do that from anywhere.


A.U.S? Eh – OK!



One Response to “Day 4 of ? – This Country”


  1. Day 17 of ? – When Animals Attack! | Die Hard Three - March 18, 2018

    […] land is they are well positioned to tell you how their country is most likely to kill you. As I mentioned before, Australians are terrible at evaluating non-Aussie dangers but I have to admit they are quite adept […]

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