I realized today that I’ve had exactly one decent haircut in my entire life. As you can tell from the previous sentence I’ve just returned fromt the barber and I’m not thrilled. I can’t say I’m disappointed either because I’ve been through this before.
Every time I visit the hair salon I try to recall the one time I got the perfect hair cut. How long was my hair at the time? How long had it been since my previous visit? And did I get a trim or a full do? Which salon did I visit? What was the name of the barber? What city was I in at the time?
A couple of days later, after I realized that I no longer looked like a prison inmate (I also have lots of orange clothing) I failed to write down any of the haircut initial conditions or parameters. Had I done so, today I would have half a chance at finding true happiness.
You see, I’ve never told anyone this before but my inability to get a decent haircut is the main thing preventing me from getting married. Wedding ceremonies are supposed to be perfect and no woman wants to get married to someone who looks like he’s just escaped from some facility that is designed to prevent people from escaping the facility.
Shirt and hoodie
Die Hard Three 
OMG you make me LOL
You are killing me. Inmate.
For the record it was not my intent to make laugh or kill anyone. It was simply to inform.