Die Hard Three

An important part of my experiment in lifestyle design is to see if I can live better with less income. As I mentioned previously, for many people “life” is simply a series of tradeoffs between time and money. I find this fascinating. My current situation is forcing me to take a hard look at my spending habits and I’m planning to evaluate my financial decisions by writing a whole series of articles in the first person describing my experiences with this money / time concept. Who knows, maybe I’ll even be able to come up with a clever way for regular folk to save their hard-earned cash.

Take this for example: because I’ve got lots of free time, I don’t need to race all over the place when I’m driving a motor vehicle (I don’t own one but I have regular access to several cars). When one drives faster it costs more in fuel. So what I’ve done is I’ve implemented a system where I drive 90% of the posted speed limit (I’ve been doing this for about a month now). For the math challenged among you, here it is in convenient tabular form.

In my version of the movie Speed, the bus can’t go above 45.

And I have to say, the results have been nothing short of spectacular. As expected my fuel costs have dropped dramatically but what I wasn’t expecting was the degree of support I’ve received from my fellow motorists. I think deep down people recognize we have to start economizing in non-traditional areas if we’re going to avoid some of the problems faced by society. And not to inflate its importance but I think I might be starting something big here. Witness this:

At least four times in the past month many of the vehicles following me on single-lane highways have demonstrated their support by repeatedly honking their horns (similar to how they would behave when driving past a picket line of striking workers with whom they sympathize). I can’t even describe the feeling. These complete strangers are willing to violate several sections of the Ontario Highway Traffic Act by recklessly and unnecessarily sounding their horns to support my fuel saving decision / cause. On more than one occasion I found myself welling up.

Emotionality aside, I do understand this is not for everyone. I’m not one to judge – some people just need to drive a little faster, but even the speeders are beginning to understand. They’ll follow me on the highway for a couple of kilometres in a show of solidarity and when they eventually pass they make sure to look me right in the eye. And I look right back at them. No words are exchanged, but the message is clear: “We’re with you Jason. Not at this exact moment because we’re late for Junior’s piano recital. But you have our support.”

I know it’s a little early to call this experiment a success. But if it continues like this there’s going to be a revolution of sorts. Just remember who started it all when it comes time to erect the statue.

By far the best aspect of increased free time is the free time. Case in point: for the past ten years I’ve been talking about building a balcony off the top floor of my house but I could never find the time. Well last week I found the time and you’ll never guess where it was: right there in the middle of the day, hiding behind my former job.

So I did it. I built a massive, three-story balcony. It was paralyzing work being so high up with all those power tools and no safety harness. I’m afraid of heights and while working on the top platform (before the railing was installed) I crapped my pants in terror several times each day. But other than that it was an incredibly rewarding experience. Now each morning when I wake up I can walk outside to check the weather without having to go downstairs.

And my roommates have a whole bunch of new nicknames for me. Normally this would be of concern but they’re all in Latvian – it’s a dead language.

Now there have been some downsides to the free time and they are mostly related to the absence of money coming in to my coffer. For example, the other day I wanted to buy beer. The old salaried me would have bought a four-pack of my favourite brand (Beau’s) and enjoyed all of them over several hours.

It’s pronounced Bose

But Beau’s is a premium beer with premium packaging and premium cost. In my current fiduciary predicament I need to stretch my savings so I now have a new favourite beer.

I have to make this purchase last for several weeks. Does anyone know if beer goes bad after it’s opened or do I have to drink each can in one sitting?

Greetings blog readers, Facebook friends, and Internet search engine web crawlers. Since my last article I have received several out-of-band messages indicating that some of you were expecting more blog posts from me during my journey of self discovery and home renovation. Apologies for that, I’ve been quite busy. One would think that the absence of a nine-to-five job would result in more free time but the truth is, I’ve been busier than ever. In today’s post I want to share with you my initial observations on my time liberation experiment.

But first I want to thank everyone who came out to my Career Change Event on the seventeenth. I hope you all had a lovely time. From what I can remember, it didn’t rain very much.

One thing I’ve noticed since I quit the nine-to-five routine is that during working hours the city undergoes a transformation of sorts. On weekdays during the hours of 09:00-11:30 and 13:00-15:30, when most of the population is locked away in their offices and cubicles, things slow down considerably from their usual frantic pace. And those who are fortunate enough to be able to take advantage of these periods enjoy a more leisurely existence. The stores are less busy, the roads have less traffic, and the people one encounters are more relaxed (probably because the roads and stores are mostly empty).

“I’m not locked anywhere” you say? Really? Then just walk away. Just walk away.

Once you join the ranks of the Abnormals, it’s only then that you notice them going about their day-to-day exchanging silent, Fight Club-style nods as they pass each other on the street. They think that knowledge of this parallel existence needs to be kept on the downlow because if the Normals find out about it, it will be ruined somehow.

By posting this article I’m probably going to end up ostracized (you’ll never guess what the Abnormals’ first rule is) but I don’t care. The reason I don’t care is because as the most recent one to make the transition, I understand better than anyone that their concerns are unfounded. Fresh in my mind are all the conversations I had with other Normals about the pitfalls of my experiment – and there were many. I can say without reservation that it is impossible for this to go mainstream. Fear is keeping the existing systems in line. Society is just not ready.

You may not be aware, but for most regular people “life” is simply a battle between time and money. When you’re a kid you have lots of time – but no dinero. As an adult you generally have money but no time. You end up taking cabs when you could walk. You eat out instead of cooking at home. You travel in statutory-holiday-packed high-season instead of vacation-days-using off-season.

This was my life. With a salaried paycheque I had way more money than I had time. But a couple years ago I made the decision to reverse the situation. After leaving my job on Monday I essentially traded my income for a whole bunch of vacation days.

Right now it feels ok but I think the in-between period is going to be tough. I like eating out in restaurants every day and taking last-minute weekend trips to Europe four or five times a year. And I think it’s going to take some real effort to control my poor impulse control.

To help with the transition I plan on using this blog to provide updates and solicit feedback on my journey of cost saving and adventure. It’s been my experience that writing is an effective mechanism for helping with these sorts of things.

For example, since my last day at work I’ve only eaten in a restaurant once: this morning the GF and I met up with my aunt and uncle at the Richtree Market. I normally skip breakfast (aka: the useless meal) but this was an exception-worthy occasion if ever there was one. I had a delicious cinnamon roll but instead of ordering a five-dollar orange juice I simply had tap water. I suffered no ill effects and remained fully hydrated throughout the entire meal.

The work-around for the tiny water glasses is you just take a whole bunch of them.

Next up I had to buy toothpaste. On a regular day this is in itself a daunting task. And today was no different. In the industry we call what I experienced “analysis by paralysis”. This occurs when making decisions where there are so many variables that the only way one can move forward is to remain frozen in front of all the pertinent information until the answer pops into your mind. I tried to use my newfound free time to determine the best value for my dollar but in the end it proved impossible.

I ended up going online and purchasing several, heavily-discounted, industrial-sized tubes direct from China.

Financial tradeoffs aside, you’re all probably wondering what my increase in free time means for you, my loyal readers. What it means is that I will have more time to dedicate to my blog. You can look forward to post after post of lengthy, in-depth, detailed, technical articles on everything from how to determine if a used jigsaw puzzle has all the pieces to figuring out how many pairs of underwear one will need for the remainder of ones life.

I’m looking forward to sharing my journey with you.

I promised you guys I would blog with each of my coffees so here you go. I’m at the Plant Coffee and I just ordered my fifth coffee ever. This time I decide to go with a plain old regular one. The server gives it to me and I instantly realize that I have no idea what to do next as all my previous coffees had been pre-prepared by the barista lady.

So I pick up what looks like a mug full of poison (previous coffees resembled milkshakes) and venture into the store to try and figure out what to do next. After a quick visual scan I locate the “coffee enhancement station” (I’m not sure what the industry term is). I’m bewildered by the array of choices and elect to add cream and honey. I don’t think it worked because it still tastes terrible.

The place is quite busy but in one section there are two large tables with customers occupying the ends. I grab a spot at one and sit myself down. As I do this, two other customers enter looking for a place to sit. One of them is carrying a hand-held baby carrier containing an eleven-week-old infant. I make a motion that the table next to me is available (even though there are people at it).

They set up camp and the mother of the child promotes me from friendly stranger to babysitter while she and her friend go get their coffee.

$9 for the first hour, $5 for every subsequent hour.

Most times babysitting is a lot of work but this time it’s pretty easy. At this stage of the child’s cognitive development he has only the rudimentary ability to recognize faces. I put this knowledge to use and simply make sure that my face is in clear view at all times. My system works flawlessly and he remains well behaved and empty-diapered the entire time. His caregivers return after a couple of minutes and I relinquish my responsibilities to his legally appointed guardian.

At least I think he remained empty diapered.

.

I always imagined that as I closed in on the end of my career I’d have one last, really important briefing note to submit. Or there’d be some time-critical bi-monthly financial report that would have to be updated – a race against the calendar to get the numbers in by “conclusion of business” (manager-speak for “before I get into work tomorrow”). I blame Hollywood, Bollywood, and Hollywood North for why these last few days at work have not played out as I imagined they would.

Instead things have been pretty quiet. I’ve been trying to get a FAwPV – that’s the EGOT of time-off with pay. Don’t be fooled, it’s not as easy as it sounds. I’ve also been able to review the various HR policies related to the different types of leave entitlements. And let me tell you, I should have read this stuff *years* ago – you wouldn’t believe what’s in there.

During my research I discovered that there’s no legal way for an employer to regulate bathroom breaks. Apparently, in the eyes of the law, the bathroom stalls in government buildings are these mini porcelain sanctuaries. If a worker were so inclined, he or she could spend several *hours* each day “on” the toilet and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. This is based on an actual dispute between the government and one of its employees where the lawyers from the Justice Department were unable to come to a consensus on a legal definition for “going to the bathroom”. Amazing.

Because reading the new Harry Potter book at home would interfere with valuable jigsaw puzzle time.

The journey leading up to this career change has not been without its bumps in the road. It’s a pretty big deal to leave a job after fifteen years, even for someone as resilient as me. For example, today I got pretty emotional at work. I was having lunch with my friends, just like I do most days, when all of a sudden I realized that I am really, really going to miss my paycheques. It started to sink in that I’ve grown to depend on them for almost everything. From the routine to the rare, they’ve been there to help me through the best and the worst.

For example, in 2006, my paycheque helped get me two tickets to the Men’s World Cup Soccer final in Berlin Germany. There’s no way I would have been able to get those tickets on my own. In fact it wasn’t just the finals, the whole tournament was a blast – visiting all those different cities, watching all those different games. This trip really earned its moniker “Greatest Time Ever” (TM). And none of this would have happened without my salaried paycheque.

At the other end of the spectrum, there are the not-so-fond memories. In the summer of 2004 I was in the middle of this huge renovation project and during a supply run I broke the transaxle on my father’s 1992 Ford Ranger pickup truck. I was desperate. I had a student moving into an unfinished room in less than a week and the walls weren’t even up. With nowhere else to turn, my paycheque was there for me. It paid for a mechanic to make the necessary repairs and within 48 hours the truck was back operating at 100% capacity.

I could write for pages with additional examples but I’m not going to. Because even though I understand that I’m going to be ok without my paycheques, I also know that deep down in my heart I’m going to miss them dearly.

My first ever paycheque got me this.

For those of you who read my April 1 post and were too lazy calculate the date I’m leaving work, it’s May 17, 2013.

Many people have been asking me how I chose this specific date as my last day. To be honest, there never really was any other option – May 17 is easily the single greatest day of the year – bar none. Allow me to list the reasons:

1. It’s the beginning of nice summer weather
2. It’s part of a long weekend (Canadian protectorates only)
3. On this particular May 17 (2013) we get our first new Star Trek film in four years called Star Trek Into: Darkness
4. It’s the final day for Justin Bieber to collect his monkey from German customs officials.
5. Also this year my fourth-favourite Nordic country is turning 199 years old.

But most importantly it’s the anniversary of the day back in 1995 when I saw for the very first time the film after which this blog is named.

What a glorious day that was – Wednesday May 17, 1995. School was finished for the semester, summer was in full swing, and Twentieth Century Fox was about to release the third instalment of its popular Die Hard franchise: Die Hard With a Vengeance.

There was some serious hype leading up to its release. Jeremy Irons was playing the villain, Samuel L. Jackson was fresh off his Oscar-nominated performance in Pulp Fiction, and John McTiernan was back at the helm directing. I remember going to see a Jay’s game in April and there were about a hundred advance one-sheets for the film lining the skywalk to the stadium. In a word – awesome.

With that much hype I had to see it first, before everyone else. When I was sixteen I managed to score two double passes to see an advance screening of Die Hard 2: Die Harder in a radio call-in contest. But for Die Hard with a Vengeance, despite all my trying, I found myself ticketless a mere hours before the screening. So the night of the Ottawa premiere (two days ahead of the official release) I pretended to be a reporter for a local weekly alternative newspaper on assignment to review the film and they let me and my buddy Eric in for free.

Now at these local movie premieres they usually give away promotional materials to members of the audience. Sometimes they ask trivia questions but most times they just stick a fridge magnet under some of the seats and the person sitting there gets the teeshirt / hat / poster / whatever. But for some reason this time they put a sticker under the *armrest* and they gave out prizes to the two people sharing the armrest. So as luck would have it the armrest between me and Eric had a sticker under it and we both scored a Die Hard with a Vengeance baseball cap, teeshirt, and button.

Truly a glorious day – maybe the most glorious. And since then I’ve been trying to find a May 17 that lives up to that one. Let’s see how we do with the 2013 edition.

Glorious.

When I was in Italy back in 2011 I drank three coffees. Not at the same time of course; that would be ridiculous. I know you won’t believe it, but to this day those three coffees remain the only ones I’ve ever had in my entire life. Until…

Today I was waiting to meet a friend for supper and I found myself *forced* to purchase something from The Planet Coffee (the store not the planet – thank God: can you imagine the import duties?). I say “forced” because they have a “no outside food and drink” policy (a policy that is in desperate need of revision, btw). Case in point – when challenged while eating my MacDonald’s french fries (yum!), I calmly explained how I was exempt from their rule because the conjunction “and” in their sign means that someone is allowed to bring in food “or” drink from the outside, but not both.

I think the exact words she used were, “You’ve been here for two hours, you need to buy something or get out.”

Fine.

So I asked for a recommendation and she gave me a Maple Way. It was pretty good. I guess. When I finished I remained at a loss for why people have such a passion for coffee. I mean, there are clearly way more interesting things to get way more excited about. Jigsaw puzzles for example. Last night me and the GF started a thousand-piece non-Softclick (TM) Ravensburger. Got the edge done. And most of the castle. I bet you ten dollars I have it all finished by the time I have to appear in court on Friday.

So this coffee did not make me high like the ones in Italy, but I will keep an eye on my energy levels for the rest of the night. I’m planning on tackling the water before going to bed and the caffeine should help.

Last time I got a lot of positive feedback on my coffee posts and this makes me wonder if I should write one for every single coffee I drink for the rest of my life. I think that would be pretty interesting, especially if I become addicted like the rest of you. Then at the end I can put all the posts together and publish a book called “Dances With Javmocha – An Epic Tale of One Man’s Losing Battle with Writer’s Block”.

According to all the so-called, self-proclaimed, armchair “experts” who read my blog, the term “bucket list” comes from the english-language expression “to kick the bucket”. For those of you whom have never heard this before, it means “to die” or just “die”.

In a previous post I mentioned that I have a bucket list-type list. What I failed to say was that mine is called my “pre-death list”. I named it this so my readers don’t need to have detailed knowledge of obscure english-language idioms to understand what I’m writing about.

Anyway, enough talking about lists, it’s time to list the list.

Jason’s Pre-Death List

• Cook a full-on turkey dinner meal for either Christmas or Thanksgiving including various pies for dessert
• Visit Nordkapp
• Visit Antarctica
• See the Northern Lights (full-on)
• Sleep outside in the full-on winter (Canadian or Finnish, none of those fake winters that are found in many parts of the world)
• Desert safari (Sahara or Gobi)
• Dessert safari (cheesecakes or pies)
• Get my karate black belt 
• Solve the Keith Haring Double Retrospect
• Complete all the items on my pre-death list
• Experience the Trans-Siberian (orchestra and railway) – not at the same time, bonus if
• Paint a self-portrait
• Build a house
• Build a better house

Guess which will be the first item crossed off the list!